My wife and I are both Americans who moved to Africa when we were very young. Bethany grew up in Uganda and I grew up in Kenya. We met in boarding school at the age of 14 and were married at 21. We moved back to Africa to serve the Lord in Sudan at age 25. We joke that we are “African Americans” because we have spent more of our lives in Africa than in the USA.  

But the hard truth is that we know what it is like to spend most of our lives feeling out of place. Bethany was very blonde growing up so many people thought she was either very sick or a ghost.  Attending school in the USA on home assignment was hard as we understood very little about the TV shows, athletes, and musicians people talked about.  

We often felt like outsiders in both places.  Maybe you have felt the same way.  Now don’t get me wrong, we absolutely love living in Africa and we are proud of our heritage as Americans.  But we just didn’t fit in completely.  

If this resonates with you—if you feel like an outsider—we have to suggestion for you:. These thoughts have helped us thrive in the many places we have lived and we hope they will help you thrive as well. First, remember that people do things that make sense to them at the time. Second, bloom where you are planted. 

People Do Things That Make Sense To Them At The Time

I remember standing at the bus stop in the seventh grade and two of my classmates were talking. I am not exaggerating that every other word in their sentences was a curse word. How is that even intelligible?  

But those boys were doing what made sense to them. They were doing what they thought was cool. They were copying what they were watching on TV at home. They were copying what they heard from the adults in their lives.  

I have also seen a bride kidnapped by her family on their wedding day so the family can get more money. I have seen people extravagantly spend the money that was for school fees for their children on a one-day celebration. I have seen people poison their neighbors’ animals. I have seen people avoid each other because they support different college football teams. A lot of this doesn’t make sense to me. But it makes sense to the people who do it.  

Now I have a choice. Do I avoid these strange people?  Do I find people who only think and act like me to create our own little world?  Sometimes being a TCK is hard because so much of what other people do doesn’t make sense to us. It is so much easier to judge and condemn the strange cultures around us and to retreat into our own little world. This would be a tragedy.

Some of the last words of Jesus were a command to all of us to GO! As we go, we are to be IN this world. Rub shoulders with this world. Get into the lives of people in this world. Show people a different way to live. Show people what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. Teach people why you do what you do.  You have an opportunity to experience and see things that the vast majority of teens will never get to. Embrace it! And as you do, be the salt and light that God calls you to be. 

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Not a single person on earth chose where to be born. They enter this world naked and screaming just like every other baby. Some in Japan, some in Uzbekistan, some in Chile, and some in New Zealand. But you know what? Each baby learns how to survive and adapt in that location. Most TCKs don’t get a choice about where they are growing up. This can be pretty frustrating and many TCKs spend a lot of energy fighting their new surroundings. New food, new housing, new friends, new weather, new clothes. All of this can be overwhelming. 

Bethany and I have watched as missionary families come to the field and immediately set about trying to create their life just like it was back in their home country.  They search far and wide for the food they are used to. They build a house like they are used to. They load VPNs so they can watch their favorite shows from their home country. Imagine if all that energy and money were put into learning how to thrive like the people we have come to live among. 

In Sudan, there was a saying that the only things outside at 2 p.m. were mad dogs and English men. Everyone else knew it was much too hot to work at that time of day. Everyone takes a rest during the heat of the day and comes out when the weather is much cooler. Believe it or not, a lot of those things come from hundreds of years of figuring out the best way to live in that area. It would be wise of you to ask a few questions to figure out the best way to live in the area where God has placed you. God has planted you where you are. Now figure out how to bloom. Figure out how to thrive.

Bethany learned how to bake cakes without an oven and they are actually much more tasty than cakes baked in our typical western ovens. Try this: get a LARGE pot and put sand on the bottom. Now put your cake pan inside. Cover the pot with a metal lid. Now put the pot on charcoal and put some charcoal on the lid as well. Bake it for the usual time and I’m telling you: the best cake ever!

I love the story of Joseph. What a guy! 17 years old and sold into slavery but he figures out how to bloom where he is planted. It took many years for him to see the purpose that God had in it all but what a joy it was when God brought the whole plan together.  You may not fully understand why your life has been turned upside down but our encouragement to you is to bloom right where God has planted you.

There you are: two simple thoughts to help you thrive as a TCK. People do things that make sense to them. Get to know their world. Live IN the world as you shine as a light for Jesus. Secondly, bloom where you are planted. Ask a lot of questions so that you can learn from the people you live with and you may just find out some really cool tricks to thrive where God has placed you.